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said that she and Harbert, who now serves as NBC Broadcasting chairman, spent too much time focusing on work outside of the office.

PHOTOS: The Evolution of Chelsea Handler "I would come home from work, and Ted would be like, ' Do you want to watch your show?

He was the one you believe you'll eventually find your way back to because, at 23, your brain is exploding with the struggle to accept that not all things happen for a reason. Knees shaking, I called him on a phone number whose last four digits I've used as the code to every safe in every hotel room I've stayed in since we met.

I told him I was shooting a documentary about marriage, why people do it, and how I've never wanted to get married—until, at the tender age of 40, I finally feel ready, now that I have no viable options.

But then I recognized the feeling as something sadder: that I didn't, and wouldn't ever, love him again.