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See, your profile isn't meant to make a stranger fall in love with you.

Once you're sitting in front of her with the less-than- 15-percent hair loss that she's handicapped your photo for, then you can really get to know each other—as two hormone-leaking, masochistic adults who want so badly to be in love again._—Mary H. Choi _You want to say you're an oenophile or fluent in Klingon? The beauty of online dating is that it's stocked with people on the ends of the bell curve—the kind you'd never find normally.

Besides: Effortless rejection is one of online dating's great achievements.

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Escaping..first message: It seems dickish, but if you know you won't jibe with someone who messages you, just click delete.

The alternatives— brutal honesty or the soft letdown—only sting more and waste your time.

You could cast a wide net and sign up for every single dating site.

Or you could follow our flowchart and find the one designed to pair you with the woman (or man, or costume-wearing sex slave) of your dreams.

Perhaps love is another form of gravity, a cosmic force bringing us together whether we like it or not. Smart, funny, driven, intelligent, athletic, inquisitive, loyal (SO loyal), fabulous, organized, a bit nerdy, living in the moment, caring, spiritual, open-minded, occasionally stubborn, and above all else, fun!